As far as I can remember, I’ve suppressed my desire to be creative in a career. I thought the only acceptable careers were the Big Three: doctor, lawyer, engineer, and I was going to do one of those until I realized I didn’t really like any of them after all and who wants to work that hard? I like putting things together to make new and different things, but because I did well in math and science and I have a terrible preoccupation with prestige, I managed to piece together a couple degrees, thrown in with an internship that I hated and hope out popped something I would like - which didn’t happen. I love the subject matter, cities and planning, but hate the actual work of it. The being in an office, the spreadsheet, the data, the analysis, the documentation, the arbitrary rules, the inflexible workplace, the sitting, the everything. It doesn’t feel like “doing.”
What I failed to realize or think really hard about was what was the kind of DOING that I wanted to do. I thought the things that I liked to do were for hobbies or for wimps that enjoy job insecurity. Now I find that I have no tangible “doing” skills. Maybe I have thinking skills but I don’t enjoy solitary work and when given the choice, I procrastinate until everything hits the fan and I have to actually produce something.
I love people, facilitating, teaching, doing, helping. Not analyzing, reporting, documenting, calculating. It’s difficult to figure this out so late in the game (“But you’re young and can do anything you want!”) but it still feels like a millennia to even think about going back to school or starting anew, since the things I think I might like to do require ohhh, experience?